How does someone know they’ve healed? Sometimes, the moment can be tracked on a calendar – the date of an MRI or CT Scan.
Sometimes, the realization comes in your non-reaction to a situation that would otherwise have been highly triggering.
Sometimes, you have an inner knowing & feel it deep inside instantly.
Often times, we can’t put our finger on the when, sometimes not even the how.
But once you’ve found healing – whether physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual – the undercurrent of your life will have shifted. You will find your peace.
Often, you’ll never know how you’ve arrived here. Just grateful to have reached the bank of the raging river.
Last night, I attended a community reiki session hosted by my beloved teacher, Georgia. This was a heart chakra-centered healing session that involved meditation & a tuning fork clearing.
As is true for any healing session, you can never determine beforehand what will arise in visualization & what will come up to be released. Part of healing is handing over the reins of control to the divine. Support me, guide me, heal me, show me what I most need to know at this time. I surrender.
All was pure & light as the energy flowed & we were lead through a series of beautiful meditations. When Georgia announced that we were moving into a metta loving-kindness meditation, I took a deep cleansing breath.
Metta is a beautiful practice where we send love & light to several parties, the toughest one of these is sometimes excluded. But healing doesn’t come through staying in our comfort zone.
This portion of the practice involves sending loving kindness to a person who has hurt you. Bring them into your vision & smile at them. “May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live a life of peace & ease.”
I breathed deeply as my inner vision cleared, unsure of who would come through.
The face I saw was that of the man who nearly destroyed me. In my early through mid-20s, I was entangled in a highly abusive relationship. Mental & emotional abuse raged. Sexual abuse & non-consensual drugging was a common theme. Gun violence was in abundance. Threats toward my loved ones kept me under his control.
I was in a highly depressed, grief-stricken state when he entered my life. He pounced on my vulnerability. Psychological abuse was his favorite tool that he sharpened daily.
Coming back to this meditation…
“Bring to mind a person who has hurt you deeply.”
“As you gaze at this person, smile at them.”
Let me tell you, I’ve never smiled so big in meditation. And certainly never in seeing this monster’s face. In the preceding years, I’d cower & shake in terror at the mere mention of his name.
Yet here I lay in the protective pink reiki bubble. My cheeks & lips hurt from smiling so hard. I wasn’t just smiling in the meditation vision, I was smiling in real life, ear to ear.
My smile felt comical.
For the duration of his portion of the metta, you couldn’t wipe that smile from my face.
“May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be safe.
May you live a life of peace & ease.”
How do those words feel to say to such a destructive & evil force?
In the past, those words would never come. They’d remain stuck in my throat.
Tonight, however, they felt liberating.
We were asked to offer this person love & compassion. I did so willingly & easily.
This has become a practice of mine through the years in arguments & moments of misunderstanding & tension. It’s never been applied to anything like the destruction & abuse he put me through. I’m honestly floored this came easily.
Here is the daily practice. Practiced in smaller moments & in conjunction with your other healing practices can lead to big life changes & healing.
When someone hurts you, offer them love & compassion because they simply do not know any different/better.
Then, offer yourself the same love & compassion you so willingly give to others. You are deserving of all your love.
In this moment, little girl Kristen needs my love, reassurance, & compassion more than anything. She needs to know she’s not alone or abandoned. She needs to be hugged & loved.
Love & compassion for self & for others. This practice has been a major element of my healing & growth.
And so I offered this man love & compassion & then I offered it back to myself. And then in meditation, I was asked to pull a candy bar from my pocket, break it, & offer half to this person who had hurt me so deeply. And savor the sweetness in this moment. I chewed with the continual smile on my face & turned to walk away, feeling light as air.
This is when I knew I’d slain the dragons & the demons. This is when I knew I’ve reclaimed the portion of self he’d stolen. I’d been able to rid myself of that terror.
Through years of self-healing practices, therapy, healing modalities, somatics, meditation, & so many other wonderful, compassionate modalities, I’ve healed what I thought had been lost forever to the wolves.
And my friend, I wish you healing from all that shattered you as well.
Metta meditation
Begin by repeating these phrases to yourself:
May I be happy.
May I be healthy.
May I be safe.
May I live a life of ease.
Next extend the phrases to someone you love.
Now bring to mind someone you have neutral feelings about & repeat the phrases once again.
Next, think of someone you have negative feeling towards. Offer this person the same loving phrases. As mentioned earlier, this is often times excluded for the discomfort factor.
Finally, expand the practice to include all beings.
To my dear reader,
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be safe.
May you live a life of peace & ease.
Namaste,
Unfurled Wings 
Leave a comment